So yeah, that sleeping through the night was a one time thing and the next two night she made up for it with a vengence such that I have now had a total of 10 hours of sleep over the past two nights which would not be so bad in itself except for that the longest stretch was just over two hours.
So... please stop reading now if you don't want to hear me whine AGAIN about sleep deprivation. Please stop reading if you have real problems and you don't want to hear me wallowing...
I don't know how I can do this. Not sleeping is, with no exageration, makes me a shitty, grumpy, impatient parent (who uses words like shitty). It makes me ineffective at my challenging job. It endangers the life of my children, my life and the life of others as I drive them to the places they need to go (I try to take public transport but when I am only sleeping minimally I often grab that extra 45 minutes of sleep in the morning rather than haul myself out of bed early enough to get the bus or subway). Where was I? Right. Sleep deprivation. Shit mother. Life threatening. Shit employee. And don't get me started on running... or on intimacy (or someplete lack thereof) with hubby.
I don't know what to do. How can I get this baby to sleep? It's beyond ridiculous. She's 11 months old and she's sleeping like a 2 month old.
And here's the other bad part. I am becoming addicted to sleeping pills. I use them because once Thing 2 wakes me up it takes me anywhere from 60-90 minutes to fall back asleep again by which time, you guessed it, she is waking up again. I started by using 12.5 mg of diphenhydramine hydrochloride (essentially what is in gravol) once a week to help me fall back to sleep more quickly. Now I am up to 30-50 mg DAILY and it is often ineffective. At my annual physical last week I actually asked my doctor if he could perscribe something and he (thank god) said no. Glad one of us was thinking. He said anything he would perscribe would be extremely habit forming and he didn't want to turn a perfectly healthy 38 year old mother of two into a sleeping pill junkie. He did not seem concerned about what I am currently using but did mention I would find it increasingless less effective (check).
Argh. That little taste of 7 hours of sleep in a row three nights ago was total torture. It gave me a glimpse of what I can do and feel like if I am allowed to sleep. I know that I cannot work full time at a challenging job, be the kind of mother I want to be, be the kind of wife I want to be, be the kind of PERSON I want to be and yes, run, on this little sleep. Something is going to give and I am kind of waiting around in morbid fascination to see what it will be.
Ok. Call me a WAaaaahmbulance. I'm done whining. I know that this phase will pass (if one can call it a phase when it has been going on for 11 months) and I know I am super fortunate in many ways.