Tuesday, November 1, 2011

My slap in the face

Emotional pain is when someone close and important in your life leaves you a voicemail, "hangs up", only they don't hang up completely... they continue to talk to someone in the room. About you. Saying gut-wrenchingly, ugly things.

EMBARASSMENT is... when the above happens AT WORK causing you to BURST INTO TEARS at your desk and then have to return each and every one your colleagues cheery "Good Mornings" as they file past your desk one by one.

HUMILIATION is when trembling, flustered fingers cause you to FORWARD it to a distribution group that goes to 8 people while you are trying to delete it.

I wish I was one of those self possessed people who could just laugh it off and say "oh X is a critical person who finds fault with everyone." but because I am me, I have to evaluate every statement for the truth and because I am me and so freakin eager to always find fault in myself, I find myself agreeing.

Sometimes I really have a really low opinion of myself. And after today, I know X does also.


  1. Grr...sorry about this! I wonder how many X and Y's hate me? I hope not many but am sure there are some. You can't please everyone - something that might please someone could make another person hate you. But please do not hate yourself. You surely are not perfect but that is what makes you unique. Perfection is soooo boring!

  2. OH PPC, that sounds like a highly unpleasant situation...and I know saying "oh screw X you b*tch) won't help if her words cut to you already. What esle can you do but acknowledge the two of you are different and try to rise above it. I feel angry on your behalf! I hope you find some solace at home...

  3. Ouch.

    You might want to try the channelling others thing again... and do the opposite of whatever you think I'd do, because my solution involves a flamethrower.

  4. Hi, thanks all for your kind comments.
    Ana-Maria, as it stands I have ZERO concerns about being perfect, um, I mean boring :)
    Cherelli - yes, that is the approach I try to take (with a healthy dose of I'm-a-horrible-person-self-flagellation thrown in).
    SteveQ - put down the flamethrower :)
    Of course I simplified the situation and left important details out (such as the fact that X was very stressed out and flustered by a extentuating circumstances when the phone call was made). But there are other aspects left out as they would cross my line but definitely hate was the wrong word to use. in fact, I think I will edit it.

  5. I am big time hating on X right now. I don't know if that helps. Steve's idea would be more effective.

  6. We need an update of this situation!