Saturday, February 26, 2011

9 small, medium and large things (with thanks to FastBastard for presumably tolerating the plagiarism)

1. Small: I am fat and out shape. But I am aware enough to realize my fatness and out of shapeness exists only on the runner scale. On the general population scale I am nicely average. My first clue that I have packed on some pounds is always that my hubby finds me attractive. Given my primary mission right now, getting knocked up, being fat & out of shape on the runner scale is probably where I want to be. So it's okay. One weird thing I have noticed in my post-pardum body: i used to gain weight on my thighs and butt but keep a flat stomach. Now I have the thighs I always wanted but a nicely burgeoning pot belly. What's up with that? Hormonal changes after pregnancy? Aging affecting fat storage? Why have I morphed from pear to apple?

2. Small: I did not know of Justin Beaver's existence until last week. Then I spent a week thinking he was Justin Beaver. I have since been educated and now know that his name is, in fact, Justin Bieber.  I am strangely proud of this.

3. Medium (but very disturbing): I cannot name, without googling it, all of the countries in North Africa & the Middle East in which there are protests and revolutions occurring. Although I realize that change is sweeping through this region and that this series of uprisings is and will be of great historical importance. I only have the vaguest idea of what is going on. I am deeply ashamed of my ignorance.

4. Medium: 95% of my caloric intake these past few weeks has been from simple carbs and refined sugar. This no doubt explains, in part, #1. I realize this is far from ideal but I did not realize how far off track I had gotten until I read SteveQ's post about his diet. Waaaaaaay off track.

5. Medium: I am hiring. I recently had to chose between excellent grades and excellent interviewing skills. I chose the former. My decision was deeply impacted by recent happenings at work. On a different day or in a different context, I might have chosen the latter. Important outcomes are so often influenced by hidden factors, factors far beyond the control of the person seeking the outcome. It is so important not to get discouraged by a "no" because it very often has only peripheral bearing on the person being told no.

6. Off-the-scale-huge: I continue to wrestle with terrible emotional angst and conflict. This journey has been life altering, painful (in so many ways). It is far from over. I am somewhat wiser. I am trying to get to where I need to be. But if I ever arrive, I realize that my piece is only half the puzzle. I have no control over the other half. I didn't really realize until I wrote this that this is very much related to #5.

7. Small: I did a kick ass work-out today (despite #1). 10 miles with a downwards ladder of intervals: 2.4 km (@3:57 per km), 2 km (@3:53 per km), 1.6 km (@3:47 per km), 1.2 km (@3:47 per km), 0.8km (@3:45 per km).

8. Large: La cocotte's vocabulary has exploded. She does not speak much but she can readily identify many household objects and pictures in her books. It is so strange that suddenly, when I ask her where her nose is, she knows! She understands! There has been processing going on in that adorable pumpkin head of hers. I mean, of course there has been processing, but here is irrefutable evidence that she gets it. Also frightening because if she understands when I ask her where her or my nose is, maybe she also understands when I let lose a string of curses when I drop a bag of groceries on the floor. Other newly acquired skills include,
* disposing of her own diaper in the diaper pail after diaper change time (cute but problematic bc she wants to do it IMMEDIATELY after the dirty diaper comes off which often results in my chasing my bare bummed toddler around the house trying to diaper her before she lets loose!).
* bringing daddy his glasses and watch and putting both on him in the morning (this no doubt means "Up! Up! get UP! and play with me").
*signing more for more juice
* completing puzzles (those wooden cut-out type puzzles)
* opening doors (she has been able to close them for a long time)

9. Large: I really, really want to get pregnant this month. Statistically I will not. Did you know that humans are one of the least fertile mammalian species? I am trying to work on being okay if I never have another child. I have so many things to be thankful for, it seems almost selfish to ask for the gift of another child. I have so many other areas in my life that could desperately use some of my time and energy. Yet the yearning remains.


  1. I did say that that one day's list of food was unusually good (I was tempted to add that the next day i ate an entire jar of peanut butter in one sitting - just dug a spoon in and never stopped).

    Funny how some people fly under your radar and then are everywhere - Bieber for you, Blake Griffith (or maybe Griffin) for me [he plays basketball]).

    Bahrain, Qatar, United Arab Emirates... can't identify them on a map. Also can't separate Guinea, Guinea-Bassau, Guyana (which is on a different continent, I think next to Suriname, which was I think once Dutch Guiana), Ghana... and can't even spell Tajikhistan (see?)

    It's only the small stuff I can comment upon!

  2. SteveQ- I totally agree. That phenomenon happens not only with people but with things to. Like, I had never heard of P-90-X (PX90??) then suddenly in one week (in January) after I first learned of it, it seemed that it was everywhere - 2 of my coworkers doing it, blogs i read talking about it, overheard conversations on the bus.
    A whole jar of PB? hmmm I would go for a whole jar of nutella. Probably no more calories but so much tastier.
    Let me ask you this, can you identify Burkina Faso on a map? (probably not b/c I probably spelled it wrong). I remember being a trade show once and a vendor bragging proudly to one of my colleagues about how they have customers in EVERY country in the world. My colleague said, kind of aggresively: "oh yeah? do you have customers in Burkina Faso?" (which I had never heard of at that time). Anyway the vendor, with NO PAUSE, said "Yup... in the capital city of Ouagadougou".
    Our mouths hit the floor, it was so excellent! And now I will never forget the capital of Burkina Faso (nor will I ever forget that Burkina Faso is a country :) ).

  3. Someone mention Nutella....chocolate hazelnut spread??Yummmmm! Fingers crossed for getting knocked up soon; maybe we'll cross-send vibes! As for Justin Beaver...blergh. that's how I first heard the name too. I'd be happy if that was as far as my education on JB went. Can't wait to see what happens when his voice changes. ;) *smirk*

  4. I had to go to check out steveq's post. Well, now I can proudly say that I eat pretty well except for occasional hick-ups when I am able to eat the whole tray of muffin cake plus 2 bowls of granola in 15minutes. I might eat well, but I eat huge quantities of foods:( sister grew up on it:) I don't like it on bread, it is disgusting, but I do not mind eating it with spoon:)
    I also am very ignorant of the whole Middle East/Africa revolutions going on. When I was at home in January I used to watch news every night but here with no TV, I am totally out of picture. I should start reading newspaper or something. Maybe talk with people, I do not interact with people enough. But I might be able to list the countries because believe it or not, at school in Slovakia they force you to learn all the states on the Earth, their capitals and show them on a blind map!!! It is ridiculous! Such a waste of energy and brain space:) I have already forgot half of them, although I remember that the capital of Tajikistan is Dusanbe (I only remember it because Dusan is a male name in Slovakia and I like that name).
    I do not know what P90X (PX90) is. I might google it.
    I do not blame you for not knowing who JB is, since you are not 14 year old girl:) I know who he is only because I live very close to the Palace of Auburn Hills where all huge Detroit concerts take place and apparently last summer he had a concert there so I saw/heard about it all the time. But I would not be able to identify any of his songs or identify him on a picture.

    Great Burkina Faso story:)

    Good luck this month!!! It is not always about statistics and numbers, you know?

  5. I had thought I had read your post until I saw Steve Q's comment. Qatar? Tadzhikistan? (even I know it has a "d" :).

    Anywhoo. Why does your post-partum experience remind so much of my own? I have always suffered from anxiety to a certain degree - but it has become a huge problem since The Lorax was born and I actually called it "angst" (just like you did) to one of my Danish friends yesterday. Of course, I always get confused about the differences in the meaning of angst in English, German and Danish - but I can relate to you!

    I also found I put on weight after I stopped breastfeeding - is that where you are right now?

    As far as putting weight on in your belly - it is classic both when one is stressed and when one has a diet high in carbs. So we may have an explanation there.

    I had to laugh when you said your hubby finds you more attractive when you weigh more! Boy did that sound familiar. Actually Rasmus just always tells me my face looks prettier when I weigh more - but the rest of the body should be lean. It's tough to accomplish that!

    Great post, by the way.

  6. I learned all the countries when Burkina Faso was called Upper Volta. I was once challenged to name all the nations of the world (East Timor had just become a nation) and I eventually did, naming a bunch of things that weren't countries as well (Afars and Issas, anyone?); the very last one I remembered was Malawi. I have old globes that show things like Bechuanaland, Bophuthatswana and Portugese East Africa - there's really no point in learning the names if they keep changing!

    P90X has continuous infomercials on broadcast television from midnight to 4 AM here.

    I don't know about humans being one of the least fertile of animals... I've only fertilized one animal myself and she seemed human enough. [Don't ask. It's not that interesting a story.]

  7. SteveQ - what in the who in the how now? ok, not how... i'm pretty sure i know how fertilization happens (despite being very untalented at it) but whaaaaaat? come on! tell....